What NOT to say to pregnant women…

It’s crazy that out of all of the funny memes and blog posts that this still needs to be said, but here it goes.

What should you say to a pregnant woman?

“You look great!”

THATS IT.

90% of the inappropriate comments while pregnant with Scarlett came from woman. Woman who have been pregnant in their life. It’s crazy to me that they don’t remember not to say these things.

Seriously, buy me a fucking Snickers and tell me I’m pretty. No need to do any more then that. If you absolutely feel the need to comment on my body, tell me how well I’m carrying and that I make it look easy, even if you are lying.

We know we look tired. We got up 500 fucking times last night to pee. Then we got uncomfortable or had heartburn and couldn’t go back to sleep.

We are usually nauseous on some level, so we may vomit on you at anytime. Stand back and don’t touch us.

We know we are walking funny. Don’t fucking mock us by holding your stomach or back and waddle, I’ll punch you. We are off balance and usually feel like we just ran up 10 flights of stairs.

Just don’t. If you think something in your head, say it to yourself…. then tell me I look amazing.

Or don’t say anything at all, that’s fine too.

Let’s review some of the most irritating lines.

I had help from my recently pregnant friends.

“Wow you look miserable”

“Is your husband happy?”

“How much weight did you gain?” JUST NO

*when eating “Awe, is baby craving (insert food)?” You know I had to fucking eat before I got pregnant, right?

“Wow, eating for two?” Yes Karen, and I will fucking eat you too.

“You look like you are getting ready to pop”

“You still have (insert number) months to go?! You’re not going to make it”

“Did you plan this?” MIND YA FUCKING BUSINESS

“Are you sure there aren’t two in there?!”

*if they really are having twins….

“Are you happy to have twins?” Nope, getting rid of the ugliest one.

“Did you conceive naturally?” In the words of my friend “Nope… expensive, painful, didn’t even orgasm”

These are just some of the many examples that piss me the hell off. I’m not usually a sensitive person AT ALL, but being super small my whole life, I became very self conscious while pregnant.

WHILE I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION….

Let’s just talk for a second about what not to say to a woman in any part of her motherhood journey…..

Once you get married people love to jump into your sex life.

“When are you going to start trying for kids?”

Actually Susan, we tried this morning that’s why I was late coming into work.

Or when you do announce a pregnancy.. “You didn’t want to enjoy married life a little bit longer?”

You never know what a woman is going through. She could have taken a negative pregnancy test for the 100th time that morning and you just stabbed a knife right back into her heart.

If someone wants to talk to you about their pregnancy journey, they will.

Or how about adoption…. I consulted and researched the top comments for this… just wow.

“I couldn’t do it, but that’s great that you are trying that route”

“Are you going to still try for one of your own?”

This is soooo fucking offensive and assumes that this adoptive child will not be “there own”.

“What kind are you going to get?”

Once again, you never know what someone is going through…. just piss off.

If you have to ask your self if you should be saying this, don’t.

If anything falls on this list or even close, don’t.

So to summarize….

TELL ME IM PRETTY.

or fuck off.

*touching of the belly is a personal preference. I surprisingly don’t mind it. Which is weird because I usually hate being touched, but do NOT TOUCH MY FUCKING BELLY BUTTON… I will slap you. Dead serious, it has happened. Ask my family/friends.

XOXO Jenna 💋

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