This is for all of us “Bad-Moms”.
The ones that don’t want flowers, or handmade cards, or jewelry.
This is not for the grandmas…. go ahead and give them cute stuff.
I know I can’t speak for every mother, but I wanted to make a list for all of the clueless Dads out there with wives like me. I reached out to my other “bad-moms” and came up with a great list of things. I can be an asshole when I’m given a gift I don’t like, so I usually always tell Brandon what I want.
For me, Mother’s Day is not like Christmas. Gifts are great, but lets start with the things you can DO for us instead. This is what Moms really want.
- A FUCKING NAP …. like take the kid(s) out of the house so we can sleep and not have to hear every breath or see their little fingers under the door. Take them outside, take them to McDonald’s, the park, Chuck-E-Cheese, literally anywhere where they forget about us for 2 hours (but also somewhere that wont require an emergency room visit please)
- Clean our car out. Wipe it down…… vacuum out all of the old french fries, goldfish, crackers, and whatever the hell else is living under the car seats. Then spray some shit to make it smell nice for us. A little love note on the dash is a plus.
- Make us breakfast and clean the entire kitchen before you wake me up or serve it to me. Clean as you go, its possible…. Nothing will help us start the day off better then walking out to eat our breakfast and there is nothing on the counters, the dishwasher is running and you can smell the cleaner. When we are looking around and eating, we wont be thinking about everything that has to be cleaned up.
- DO ANYTHING that I usually do on a Sunday without asking. Do some laundry, clean the bathroom, mop, start cleaning up the flower beds.
- Have all of the meals planned that day. DON’T FUCKING ask me what I want, just plan and do it. Go to the grocery store (WITH the kid(s)) if necessary.
Most Moms will be very pleased with any (OR ALL) of the list above.
But its still always is nice for the kids to have something for her to open.
That brings us to our next list. These are things you can buy her that she will actually enjoy.
- Silk Pillowcase. EVERY WOMAN should use a silk pillow case. The hairdresser in me feels the need to tell you how much your hair benefits from a silk case. So much less damage to the hair from tossing and turning at night. Plus it feels amazing on your face and doesn’t hold as much bacteria as cotton/blends. It also pulls less on your facial skin while you sleep which means less wrinkles! Trust me, she needs one. She might look at you crazy at first, but send her here and explain the benefits. Shop Here
- SILK ANYTHING (or silk blend/satin for us non-Rockefellers) Satin Pajamas, a Robe, Sheets.
- Black Leggings. All moms I know wear solid black leggings. My boutique has the most amazing ones for an amazing price. Shop Here
- Bath Bombs, Bubble Bars, or Oil Bars. Lush and Amazon have my favorite. ALSO, actually give her time to use them. I love these from Amazon Bath Bombs Gift Set
- Chocolate Covered Strawberries….. As long as she likes them……. If not pick up her favorite candy, and don’t make her share it (BRANDON… I’m looking at you)
- Body Scrub. The number one defense against wrinkles, stretch marks, and aging is EXFOLIATION. You have got to get rid of those old skin cells.
- Replace her old curling iron or blow dryer for her. Try to match the exact size that she currently has. Shoulder length hair usually needs 1 inch or 1 1/4 inch. Longer hair usually takes 1 1/2 or 1 3/4. These are some good ones- RUSK Engineering W8less Professional 2000 Watt Dryer & BaBylissPRO Nano Titanium Spring Curling Iron, 1-1/4 Inch
- Last is the obvious but still always appreciated, gift cards! I love Sephora/Ulta gift cards because I love makeup & beauty products. Where does she love to shop? Us bad moms also love TJ Maxx & Marshalls because your gift card can get you a bunch of random shit at those stores. Then give her a day or 5-6 hours to use them in peace.
***I suggest picking at least one from each list to be safe.
Most importantly for the great moms that might turn their nose up to this post…..
MOMS LOVE THIER CHLDREN!
I LOVE MY CHILD!
Sometimes though we need a break, and what better time to give us that break then Mother’s Day? And don’t forget, there is a reason Mother’s Day comes before Father’s Day, we hold grudges. How ever much effort you put into our gift, is what will go into yours….. usually more though lets be honest.
So treat your wife/baby-momma this year and see how it changes her and makes her whole month.